It was an intense discussion. So many doubts, confusion, questions, worries, shaken faith. I couldn't accept certain things. I fail to understand some scriptures. Sometimes I just choose to have a silent conversation with myself, I ignore the call to pray because I'm afraid. I'm scared I would complain and blame Him for everything. I know He had done nothing wrong, the sufferings I face is due to my own fault. I couldn't look through the mirror, because I'm so dirty, I'm covered with sins. And there comes a moment you cannot forgive yourself, I know God's grace is more than enough, but I just felt I don't deserve any more chances. He is so pure, but yet He is delighted to hold me in His arms, I couldn't imagine a dirt being loved. His love is unconditional. And I stand here saying "Lord, I do believe in You, but help me overcome my unbelief!" 

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