I twist and turned around, pushing away every pillow to the ground. I knew it was already 6am but yet, I was struggling to wake up, I heard the alarm, ranging louder each second, probably annoying the neighbours next door and then it goes off but blurted out again of it's snoozing function. I fought and with a last prayer, I got up  facing the bright light that pierced through my eyes and quickly shutted it. I rushed to prepare myself as I know there's not much time left. And eventually, I made it.

I wasn't paying much attention in class, it's not because I don't want to, but I just couldn't. I grab hold of my head  firmly and lay it on the table, unwilling to release it yet. I couldn't take it anymore, this pain is killing me. My friend ruffled my head gently, helping to ease my distress, I hum a melody, somehow telling her that I appreciate this comfort. But no sooner, I heard her gasp, it was because there's strands of white hair on me.

I threw down my bag as I stepped on the living hall of my house. Opened up the fridge, searching through the medical compartment blindly, it's not there. I walk towards the rice bucket, and started scooping some rice, I was thinking of cooking a small pot of porridge to eat, unaware of a fist that came striking my hand. It was my mum, she had been asking the same question over and over again " What are you doing?", it's not that I don't want to reply her, I just don't have the energy to.

I mustered my last energy and ran up the stairs, locking all the doors. I took off my specs, it was no use because I was covered with tears, this streaming water on my face was so hot, it felt like a 100 degree celcius boiled water.  I dont know why, I became so sensitive. "Why you want to skip chemisty exam at tuition?" "Weekye, you promise me you'll go together with me. How can you break your promise?" I didn't mean to, I really want to attend, chemistry was my favourite subject, of course I want to. But my brain hurts badly, I'm afraid I'll get bad scores. "Why didn't u took your medicine? Do you know you are sick?!" I know I know, but I collapsed on the bed, I was too weak to walk to the kitchen, I wasn't on purpose. "Why did you go to school if you know you're sick?" I went to school because I want to get good results for mamee and papa, I did not in my PMR but you do know I'm trying."Do you know that you're under depression!" I dropped on my knees, pouring out my heart to God. My friends and family are always nagging and lecturing me, asking me questions, but I never answer them, I just go on without uttering a word. Oh Lord, I hope they understands me.

No doubt, I am sick now. I had been battling with this "bug" that my body picked up for a week. And finally, I stopped, I couldn't stand anymore, I'm not a superwoman, I need .... rest. I slept and slept for hours. Been through many dreams. And at the end, I just lay and thought about things.

Any type and every sickness is an unwelcome guest. But it can also be just the bitter visitor we need. Through it, I had been spending much time with God. I experienced the wake up call, one that allowed me to realise the brevity of life and to seize it. Remind me of the the mightyness and sovereignty of God, how He could just crush me into pieces in one second and put me to death but yet He was patient of my sins. He let me place my focus and faith fully unto the Great Healer of hearts and bodies. God put this sickness in our lives for our good. 

He let me grow a closer relationship with Him. I knew all of these even when I'm healthy, but facing this sickness truly sharpened me on what is most important. O Father, I pray that you'll heal me and kill every bacteria in me. And I will try my very best to love You with all my heart, all my strength, all my soul and with all my mind. I will learn to love my family and friends, I willl love like never before. And if trouble is the only way that can bring me closer to you, pour down every trouble O Father, for it is better to have spiritual growth than physical growth. Amen.

Happy Easter Day, may God bless each and everyone of you out there :)