God be the Solution

This was not the first time I ran away like Jonah, but as always, God would not let His plan come to a halt. When I was Form 3, I knew about this SPM subject and I was really interested. At form 4, I pushed down the desire to take up the subject. Not sure what were the reasons but yea, I didn't take. A few months after, my friends called me to join the bible knowledge class. So I asked about the date, venue & etc. Found out that the class was clashed with my chinese class. I struggled upon which was more important, but again, I turned down. Telling myself, I can learn about the bible in church and through quiet time. Also, I had missed a few months lesson, I don't think I'll be able to catch up too. Once in a while, I had the feeling that I should really take up the subject. Still, I didn't take any action until this year. At February, we were decorating the Christian Fellowship board at our school. My friend, Eugenie, was taking along her bible knowledge text...

So, it's been 8 months of disappearance. To be honest, there is no solid reasons why I had been away. All I can say is I had been busy. Yes, busy busy busy. And sometimes, I couldn't figure out what I'm actually doing all the time, what steals my precious time away? With a blink of an eye, an hour just passed and all that I could remember is I had been doing nothing. But I do sensed that I'd been carried away and spending more that necessary time on the social networks and aah, editing photos. Urgh, the whole point is, I stopped blogging. After a few times of pushing me to write more, my friends just stopped doing so, it all dies down. Perhaps they didn't want to annoy me, or there are more articles out there which is more worth reading and maybe, they just gave up waiting for me. With the silence, I forgotten there is still one person, who is still so persistent, very determined on having me on the writings again. He is the main ...

The memory of my first experience in the Orang Asli Mission still shines vividly in my mind. It was a few days before Christmas, in 2009, the year before last year. The journey was exhilarating as everyone was in high spirits. I  remembered we was going crazy with Jason Mraz's hitz, getting amused by a passing rainbow and recording a video of us singing in the car.  Stepping down as we reached our destination, I knew I was in a different corner of this universe, to a land more impoverished than mine. I stunned when a few OA children waved and spoke to me, I couldn't able to respond properly as I hastily surfed through my brain for a BM translation to my English words. Soon, they all ran away probably thinking I'm unfriendly, disappointment swelled within me. I could not gave much help due to the same problem. But yet, a great motivation struck me - the best serving is showing love, and that's where I ...

I never pretty much explored or lived life as a real girl. The maximum length of hair I kept was barely around my shoulders. I cut it every single time because I was annoyed, it never been similar to a shampoo advertising model. Or perhaps I didn't know how to take care of it, never knew how to tight even the simplest pattern of plaits. Too lazy to wake up early in the morning to comb it. My nails are virgin, couldn't figure out how to paint it. It never was that striking pink, or crimson red, calm blue nahhh. I never had one, my toenails are always well protected under my canvas or covered flats. It got no reason to be shown, not like anyone would pay attention to. Latest fashions or trends? I'm a loser. Outdated and unattractive. Never knew how to mix and match, putting different pieces of clothes together into an elegant outfit. Never wore high heels because I'm afraid of losing my balance, shy of all the sound it made walking on hard grounds. That ...

It was an intense discussion. So many doubts, confusion, questions, worries, shaken faith. I couldn't accept certain things. I fail to understand some scriptures. Sometimes I just choose to have a silent conversation with myself, I ignore the call to pray because I'm afraid. I'm scared I would complain and blame Him for everything. I know He had done nothing wrong, the sufferings I face is due to my own fault. I couldn't look through the mirror, because I'm so dirty, I'm covered with sins. And there comes a moment you cannot forgive yourself, I know God's grace is more than enough, but I just felt I don't deserve any more chances. He is so pure, but yet He is delighted to hold me in His arms, I couldn't imagine a dirt being loved. His love is unconditional. And I stand here saying "Lord, I do believe in You, but help me overcome my unbelief!" 

                                                                          ''p;ois n,.; ;juoigvsd ';YUFDVBOtgyfqh gwr7rg32gubjni oihq'jpfav[ hkavger3jklgl lh;/'ollp GI Typical me. Slamming and shifting my fingers rhythmically along my keyboard with my eyes close. My toes were tipping and tapping like happy feet. Grabbing pencils and hitting every object within my reach at intervals, forming a highly unknown beat that only I could find interesting. A simple melody that only could be heard in my mind. The lyrics of life that only I could understand. That only occurs when I'm tired of the surrounding issues and conflicts that arise. I stopped and just laid back, spinning round and round with my head tilt up. I squint my watery eyes and all I saw was my ceiling. Absentmindedly, growing into ...